Here's the Poop
Roman is now a full fledged stink ass. Gone forever are those slimy pumpkin snot, breastfed baby poops that really don't smell all that bad. I'm not sure how that happened since he is still hardly ingesting any solids, but apparently the graham crackers dipped in organic turkey and barley baby food I've been shoving in his mouth are fermenting nicely within his intestines.
For those unfamiliar with the toilet habits of infants, particularly nursing infants, let me tell you, this is a milestone. It means no longer will I be able to finish eating before changing his poopies. The smell is so overpowering it can ruin even the best Shrek waffle sticks with green, maple flavored syrup. It means diapers must be stowed away in smell proofed containers decorated with Stick Up deodorizers. And look out if I forget a diaper in the minivan. The whole garage will smell like an overflowing septic tank.
This aromatic milestone has an even bigger significance for cloth diapering mamas like myself. See, breastfed baby, pumpkin snot poop rinses off in the washer. No need to do a thing with the poop. Magically, during the course of one cycle, the poop just vanishes. Not so solid food, stink bomb poop. It's more solid. It has bulk. It clings and clumps. It requires dunking. Diaper dunking is a skill. If ever there is a Mama Olympics, you can guarantee there will be a diaper dunking event. It'll be akin to the more obscure events such as biatholon or curling, but it'll be there and I'll be one of the gold medal favorites.
"Here comes Heather Peet representing the American diaper dunking team. As you know, the United States has been really lagging behind in the diaper dunking event due to widespread disposable usage. But Heather... she's a veteran of the sport. She's been dunking for almost 3 years and -- shhhh.... Let's just watch her now. There she takes hold of the corner. Notice she doesn't use any clips or holders. She says she is a traditionalist and she isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. Look at that form! That move is called "the dunk and flush" and it's her signature in this event. Followed off by a quadruple twist and wring! Wow. What a finish! Surely deserving of the gold!"
Hey, I can dream, right? It's the only way, even in my dreams, that I'd ever win a gold medal.
The worst part of this stage is that it has come to Roman while he is simultaneously also doing diaper self-removal. I cannot keep a diaper on him unless he is fully clothed, preferably in something with locks. In fact, his very first, stinky, big boy poop didn't land in his diaper, but rather all over my carpet. At first glance I thought our little dachshund, Truman, had left me a present. But then I saw him -- my beautiful baby boy and his gorgeous, teeny tiny, unblemished baby butt smeared with poop. Poop on his hands, under his finger nails, between his toes. I guess he was pretty impressed with the poop he can now produce and had to experience it, hands on so to speak.
He cleaned up nicely, but not so the stain on my carpet. If anyone has a good home remedy for baby poop on berber, let me know.
And the next time I say I had a shitty day, I mean real shit!
For those unfamiliar with the toilet habits of infants, particularly nursing infants, let me tell you, this is a milestone. It means no longer will I be able to finish eating before changing his poopies. The smell is so overpowering it can ruin even the best Shrek waffle sticks with green, maple flavored syrup. It means diapers must be stowed away in smell proofed containers decorated with Stick Up deodorizers. And look out if I forget a diaper in the minivan. The whole garage will smell like an overflowing septic tank.
This aromatic milestone has an even bigger significance for cloth diapering mamas like myself. See, breastfed baby, pumpkin snot poop rinses off in the washer. No need to do a thing with the poop. Magically, during the course of one cycle, the poop just vanishes. Not so solid food, stink bomb poop. It's more solid. It has bulk. It clings and clumps. It requires dunking. Diaper dunking is a skill. If ever there is a Mama Olympics, you can guarantee there will be a diaper dunking event. It'll be akin to the more obscure events such as biatholon or curling, but it'll be there and I'll be one of the gold medal favorites.
"Here comes Heather Peet representing the American diaper dunking team. As you know, the United States has been really lagging behind in the diaper dunking event due to widespread disposable usage. But Heather... she's a veteran of the sport. She's been dunking for almost 3 years and -- shhhh.... Let's just watch her now. There she takes hold of the corner. Notice she doesn't use any clips or holders. She says she is a traditionalist and she isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. Look at that form! That move is called "the dunk and flush" and it's her signature in this event. Followed off by a quadruple twist and wring! Wow. What a finish! Surely deserving of the gold!"
Hey, I can dream, right? It's the only way, even in my dreams, that I'd ever win a gold medal.
The worst part of this stage is that it has come to Roman while he is simultaneously also doing diaper self-removal. I cannot keep a diaper on him unless he is fully clothed, preferably in something with locks. In fact, his very first, stinky, big boy poop didn't land in his diaper, but rather all over my carpet. At first glance I thought our little dachshund, Truman, had left me a present. But then I saw him -- my beautiful baby boy and his gorgeous, teeny tiny, unblemished baby butt smeared with poop. Poop on his hands, under his finger nails, between his toes. I guess he was pretty impressed with the poop he can now produce and had to experience it, hands on so to speak.
He cleaned up nicely, but not so the stain on my carpet. If anyone has a good home remedy for baby poop on berber, let me know.
And the next time I say I had a shitty day, I mean real shit!
posted by The Histrionics of a Fat Housewife at 2:21 AM
3 Comments:
Spot Shot works awesome on any stain on any carpet. When we moved into our new home the builders left a bottle of it with a super dirty used to be white rag under out sink. After our first "carpent accident" my husband learned quickly why this is our builders "choice" in carpet cleaner. Since, we have recommended it several people including a girl I know who just bought 2 puppies. Everyone loves it. It is a blue bottle, orange cap. It is sold in most Target, Wal-Mart type stores and even some grocery stores.. If you can't get any, let me know. I'll pick you up some and when I see you I'll pass it on!
Cool guestbook, interesting information... Keep it UP
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