Keep Faith, Little One

Tonight, before saying night time prayers, Reilly Kate and I lit up a guardian angel candle that I'd bought Roman for his christening. We had some extra special prayers to send up tonight, so the candle was important. And Reilly was very impressed.

Immediately, once it was lit, she began singing Happy Birthday. In her years of experience (2 years to be exact), candles are lit when birthdays are celebrated. No matter I had been telling her that we would light the candle to give our prayers that little added something. She still thought "Birthday."

I stopped her and then said, "Ni-Night prayers, Baby. Let's start..."

The she clasped her hands together and put her chin to her fingers and began:

"Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
Angels watch me through the night
And wake me with the morning light."

As always, she closed with:

"God bless GG. Make her well. Amen."

Then I told her we had to say some additional prayers for GG since she is really not feeling very well. For those that don't know, "GG" is my Grandma Mallow ("GG" stands for "Great Grandma"). And GG is quite ill with a diagnosis of Myelodysplastic Syndrome heading into leukemia. She's been in the hospital for a week and we will find out tomorrow whether she'll be able to go home and continue with her current medicinal regiment or whether she'll be staying in the hospital for a month long mega-chemo session.

When I talked to her today, her sole request was to "keep those prayer wheels spinning." So as promised, here I knelt with my young child in front of a burning candle, rusty on prayer, rustier on faith, and feeling a bit awkward.

"Please, God, help GG feel better," I prayed and prodded. "Reilly, would you like to pray for GG, too?"

"God bless GG. Make her well," was her response, eyes wide and focused on the candle's flame, looking a little unsure.

"Yes, make her well. We love her and want her around for boat rides and golfing, buttons and the chicken dance, vacations to the far East and Ireland and snorkeling, gardening and quilting, floating in the lake..." my mind drifted off and I paused for a moment to choke back all the things still left to do with my daughter and her GG.

"God bless GG. Make her well," she repeated with familiarity and uncertainty. She saw my eyes welling up with tears. This certainly was not our usual night time prayers.

I took a deep breath, then, and searched for words to explain to Reilly Kate that we had one more important prayer to add. My friend Tami had just attended a memorial service in a labor and delivery room. A baby boy whose family attends Tami's church was born still. He never saw the world, the bright lights, the vivid colors. He never took a breath. He never cried. Or laughed. He never would look up at his Mama with a milky smile and a poopy diaper. He would never grow to be a man.

How do you tell that to a young child?

"We need to pray for Baby Louie, Reilly Kate. Baby Louie had to go to heaven to be with God and his mama and daddy and sisters are very sad because they miss him," I explained.

"Uh huh. Them's sad." Reilly Kate, hands still clasped in prayer, nodded.

"Yes, they are. But we need to pray that their sadness goes away because baby Louie is in a good place with God. Even though they will always miss him, we pray that their sadness goes away." I felt like I was fumbling. Not sure what to pray for or how to relate it to a child as young and tender as Reilly.

"Uh huh. Them's sad."

I had her then bless herself and blow out the candle. I thought she would be excited about blowing out the candle, but she remained somber and quiet.

As she hopped into bed, she looked at me and with a huge smile asked, "GG feel better now, Mama?"

"Oh, I don't know, Reilly Kate. I hope so. But I'm not sure."

"Yeah. Yeah, she feels better. She feels better." She responded with a confidence that one could only describe as faith. Pure and untarnished faith. A faith I haven't seen or felt in a long, long time.

"And Baby Louie," she added, "He's with Jesus now. His Mama Daddy not sad anymore. He's with Jesus. Them's happy."

With her faith wrapped warmly around her, she cuddled her dolly and snuggled down into her bed. In minutes she was peacefully asleep. To her, all is right with the world.

And really it is.