Me & Lisa Hartman
Today I was standing in line at Costco with the usual suspects, Demon Spawn Girl Child #1, Demon Spawn Boy Child #2, Iryna, and cream cheese, veggie platter, and a chicken, when out of nowhere the woman in front of me says, "You look just like Lisa Hartman Black."
"Me?" I asked, stunned and waiting for the punchline.
"Yes," she confirmed. "In fact, at first I thought you were her. Your eyes are exactly the same as hers. Really. You've never heard this before?"
I'm not making this shit up, people. I couldn't even if I tried. I'm not that smart or creative. If I was that smart and creative, do you really think I'd be sitting around wasting it on this blog and entertaining you? Come on, now.
So, I came home flying high and big headed. That nose ring really must be working for me, thinks me, foolishly. I mean, this was quite the boost to a big, old fat housewife like myself.
Until.
I looked up Lisa Hartman Black. I knew who she was, but I just wanted to really get a look at her. Ya know, to compare myself and all. I took my picture and then sat down to the Google. The results are stunning.
As you can see, I could be mistaken for her twin. We look that much alike. In fact, I was planning to grill my mother about this remarkable resemblance. My mind was racing, trying to figure out how we are related, because a resemblance that eerily close doesn't just randomly occur. I mean, I thought we must be sisters. My mom must have gotten herself knocked up in high school and the child she put up for adoption went on to become Lisa Hartman Black!
NOT!
I look about as much like Lisa Hartman Black as Bush looks like an intelligent world leader.
But just for shits and gigs I looked up her birthdate. Born in 1956. She's just 10 years younger than my mom, making her a full fucking FIFTEEN years older than ME!!
Yes, today I was told I look 52.
Do you think I can sue Costco for damages?
"Me?" I asked, stunned and waiting for the punchline.
"Yes," she confirmed. "In fact, at first I thought you were her. Your eyes are exactly the same as hers. Really. You've never heard this before?"
I'm not making this shit up, people. I couldn't even if I tried. I'm not that smart or creative. If I was that smart and creative, do you really think I'd be sitting around wasting it on this blog and entertaining you? Come on, now.
So, I came home flying high and big headed. That nose ring really must be working for me, thinks me, foolishly. I mean, this was quite the boost to a big, old fat housewife like myself.
Until.
I looked up Lisa Hartman Black. I knew who she was, but I just wanted to really get a look at her. Ya know, to compare myself and all. I took my picture and then sat down to the Google. The results are stunning.
As you can see, I could be mistaken for her twin. We look that much alike. In fact, I was planning to grill my mother about this remarkable resemblance. My mind was racing, trying to figure out how we are related, because a resemblance that eerily close doesn't just randomly occur. I mean, I thought we must be sisters. My mom must have gotten herself knocked up in high school and the child she put up for adoption went on to become Lisa Hartman Black!
NOT!
I look about as much like Lisa Hartman Black as Bush looks like an intelligent world leader.
But just for shits and gigs I looked up her birthdate. Born in 1956. She's just 10 years younger than my mom, making her a full fucking FIFTEEN years older than ME!!
Yes, today I was told I look 52.
Do you think I can sue Costco for damages?
posted by The Histrionics of a Fat Housewife at 7:38 PM
4 Comments:
I guess when you shop at costco.. the damages are in bulk too ;)
LMAO - your poor kiddos. How old do they have to be to become demon spawn?
hilarious!
Oh, you are SOOOOOO tucking your chin in there, and on purpose, to boot! Besides, LHB is obviously a hot-hot-hot 52-year old. You're gorgeous, dah-link. But, then...I love me some Dubya. Hee hee. xo xo
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