Flabby Keister!
Or Happy Easter, if you prefer. But I know mine is much more Flabby Keister.
Ya know, Easter is my favorite religious holiday. I love Christmas (and really, who doesn't?) and Halloween is always fun, too. But I really dig the whole Lenten season and the culmination of it all on Easter. I always have. Even as a young child. But today kind of a 7 on a 10 scale.
First of all, I'm sick. Yes, you read that right. The woman who openly mocks the poorly conditioned, immuno challenged weaklings that whine incessantly about their allergies and their sinus conditions that breed asmatic children with ear tubes and grossly enlarged adnoids has been sick since Christmas. Seriously.
Second, mass this morning sucked. I have had several conversations with different people over the last week about C&E Catholics and the irritation others feel at their presence at mass on Christmas and Easter. I had even thought about writing up a post about how I rather enjoy seeing them pack the house on the holidays. How I feel this is time to reach out to them, bring them back into the church. There were a few years that I too was a C&E and I could have used to have someone reach out to me.
HA! My high horse bucked me off so hard I think I cracked my fucking tailbone.
We arrived at church a full fifteen minutes before mass. Now, I know that isn't enough time. I had planned on getting there a half hour earlier, but I had three children to get dressed and a terribly grumpy husband who acts like a 15 year old every Sunday morning. "Do we have to go to mass today?" "I don't have anything to wear." "I think I'm coming down with something." Anyway, we got there later than I wished.
The parking lot was filled. The streets were filled. We wound up parking about a 1/3 of a mile away and walking back. By the time we walked in, the bells were ringing and there was only one small spot left for standers within the santuary, which we snagged. All those walking in after us were stuck out in the vestibule.
Have you ever had to stand the entirety of Easter Sunday mass with three small children? It was hell. Pure hell. Roman whined and laid in the aisle. Reilly Kate shoved gumballs in her mouth and blew bubbles. Iryna dumped a whole bag of crushed Veggie Booty and then screamed while trying to pull up my shirt in a demand to nurse. Add to it, my 15 year old husband kept bugging me with, "Can we go now?" "You wanna go now?" "When do you want to leave?"
We did survive, but not before I put a curse on every single face I didn't recognize. As the parish is enormous, I'm sure I cursed people who attend mass daily. But I don't care. Someone obviously cursed me and I'm just passing it on. Like the bad cold I've been fighting for weeks now. I'm just passing it on.
Lunch was nice. We went to this Brazilian BBQ joint. If you haven't gone to one yet, go! It was fabulous! We topped it off with sugar free cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. Also, fabo!
Then we came home. Mike and the kids were out playing in the yard and I stayed in, farting around on the computer for hours. Rather than do anything constructive with my time, I learned all about how to create a home altar (um, yeah, like I'm going to do that anyway!). In my quest to decorate my home altar in my mind, I went to Amazon to find electric flickering candles. As I always do on Amazon, I first head to Today's Deals. There I find... WHAT??? WHAT MANNA FROM THE GOOD LORD ABOVE IS THIS?
A 5 qt Kitchen Aid mixer for $150!!
The Doubting Thomas in me says, "There's a catch." So ignoring the fact that Amazon is warning me there is only one more in stock, I went off to google the specs on the mixer. Huh. And I find that normally $250 is a good price.
By the time I raced back to Amazon to get it, they were all sold out. Nothing. No mixer for me.
Ya know, I've been wanting one of those for about 5 years. I price them all the time. But alas it is not to be.
There you have it. I am sick, evil, and lacking a mixer. Thank God I still have Kleenex, holy water, and a whisk. How's that for upbeat?
Ya know, Easter is my favorite religious holiday. I love Christmas (and really, who doesn't?) and Halloween is always fun, too. But I really dig the whole Lenten season and the culmination of it all on Easter. I always have. Even as a young child. But today kind of a 7 on a 10 scale.
First of all, I'm sick. Yes, you read that right. The woman who openly mocks the poorly conditioned, immuno challenged weaklings that whine incessantly about their allergies and their sinus conditions that breed asmatic children with ear tubes and grossly enlarged adnoids has been sick since Christmas. Seriously.
Second, mass this morning sucked. I have had several conversations with different people over the last week about C&E Catholics and the irritation others feel at their presence at mass on Christmas and Easter. I had even thought about writing up a post about how I rather enjoy seeing them pack the house on the holidays. How I feel this is time to reach out to them, bring them back into the church. There were a few years that I too was a C&E and I could have used to have someone reach out to me.
HA! My high horse bucked me off so hard I think I cracked my fucking tailbone.
We arrived at church a full fifteen minutes before mass. Now, I know that isn't enough time. I had planned on getting there a half hour earlier, but I had three children to get dressed and a terribly grumpy husband who acts like a 15 year old every Sunday morning. "Do we have to go to mass today?" "I don't have anything to wear." "I think I'm coming down with something." Anyway, we got there later than I wished.
The parking lot was filled. The streets were filled. We wound up parking about a 1/3 of a mile away and walking back. By the time we walked in, the bells were ringing and there was only one small spot left for standers within the santuary, which we snagged. All those walking in after us were stuck out in the vestibule.
Have you ever had to stand the entirety of Easter Sunday mass with three small children? It was hell. Pure hell. Roman whined and laid in the aisle. Reilly Kate shoved gumballs in her mouth and blew bubbles. Iryna dumped a whole bag of crushed Veggie Booty and then screamed while trying to pull up my shirt in a demand to nurse. Add to it, my 15 year old husband kept bugging me with, "Can we go now?" "You wanna go now?" "When do you want to leave?"
We did survive, but not before I put a curse on every single face I didn't recognize. As the parish is enormous, I'm sure I cursed people who attend mass daily. But I don't care. Someone obviously cursed me and I'm just passing it on. Like the bad cold I've been fighting for weeks now. I'm just passing it on.
Lunch was nice. We went to this Brazilian BBQ joint. If you haven't gone to one yet, go! It was fabulous! We topped it off with sugar free cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. Also, fabo!
Then we came home. Mike and the kids were out playing in the yard and I stayed in, farting around on the computer for hours. Rather than do anything constructive with my time, I learned all about how to create a home altar (um, yeah, like I'm going to do that anyway!). In my quest to decorate my home altar in my mind, I went to Amazon to find electric flickering candles. As I always do on Amazon, I first head to Today's Deals. There I find... WHAT??? WHAT MANNA FROM THE GOOD LORD ABOVE IS THIS?
A 5 qt Kitchen Aid mixer for $150!!
The Doubting Thomas in me says, "There's a catch." So ignoring the fact that Amazon is warning me there is only one more in stock, I went off to google the specs on the mixer. Huh. And I find that normally $250 is a good price.
By the time I raced back to Amazon to get it, they were all sold out. Nothing. No mixer for me.
Ya know, I've been wanting one of those for about 5 years. I price them all the time. But alas it is not to be.
There you have it. I am sick, evil, and lacking a mixer. Thank God I still have Kleenex, holy water, and a whisk. How's that for upbeat?
posted by The Histrionics of a Fat Housewife at 8:32 PM
2 Comments:
I am creating a home altar as well. WIERD!!!
When exactly is/was Easter this year? I'm not kidding! How is it Easter is not celebrated or even known about in this Bible smashing country? Then again, how is it there are a gozillion cherry blossoms and no frigging cherries? OINK
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