Let Me Give You My Card

In college the standard line upon meeting anyone new was "What's your major?" When I lived in DC, the standard line was "What do you do?" followed by the unspoken "And what can you do for me?" Here in Seoul everyone asks, "Where are you from?"

The expat community is an eclectic gang of misfits that somehow, one way or another, ended up in Korea. It is one of the many things I love about living here. Perhaps it is even my most favorite thing about living here. There are people from literally all walks of life, every socioeconomic level, educational background, and geographic location. Usually, all your questions are answered by just asking that one, simple question. What you actually do here is secondary to the fascinating tale of how you wound up here.

That said, however, there exists a heavy exchange of business cards. When I first came to Korea five years ago, I was a simple, boring English teacher. When I arrived at the school, my boss, a squirrelly, little, nervous Canadian by the name of Webster, handed me an enormous stack of business cards with my name on them.

"What should I do with these?" I queried.

"Hand them out," replied the Webster as if I asked him to define the word "air."

And hand them out I did. I brought them with me to dinner, to the movies, out drinking. I handed them to everyone I met, anyone I shared even a quick "Hello." I used them as calling cards, as mini note pads, as luggage IDs, even as return address labels. In return, I received just about as many as I handed out. My rolodex (yes, I have a rolodex -- to me a "Palm" is part of a hand) is still stuffed with the business cards of foreigners long departed the Land of the Morning Calm. These cards have become like pages in my old high school yearbooks, although I like the people here in Seoul much better than any of those bitches in Palatine.

When I returned to Korea with a kid under each sagging breast, I didn't have cards to hand out. What would I need them for? Who would I be meeting that might want one? Most importantly, what the hell would I put on the damn thing? I am a MOM now and I thought about business cards essentially the same way I think about little purses. "Nice. Now, what the hell would I do with that?"

But, as I started meeting new people, I started collecting new business cards. Sadly, I didn't have any to give out. I started joking with Mike that I was going to print up some MOM cards and hand them out. Then, while out shopping with my mom last week, I saw this gorgeous mother of pearl business card holder with calligraphy-like hangul (the Korean alphabet) decorating it. "Nice," I thought, and before I could get to the "Now, what the hell would I do with that?" part I was handing over my won (Korean money) and slipping the booty into my bag.

Logically, then, I had to create some cards. A business card holder (which, by the way, is a must have for the stylish foreigner) as beautiful as mine could not remain empty on a shelf. But what was I going to put on them? "Heather Peet -- Fat Housewife?" "Failed Housekeeper?" "Reluctant Homeschooler?" "Diapering Expert?" "Former English Teacher turned Dairy Queen?"

After a lot of thought and consideration, I cleverly came up with what I believe is perhaps a long winded (who? me?) but accurate title, describing my profession as it is today. I worked feverishy with templates, different fonts, colors, flowery graphics until I came up with MY CARD. I printed out a nice little stack to fit in my case and shoved them into my bag till the next opportunity to hand one out.

The day after I proudly did up my fancy new cards, Mike found an article in the Sunday Stars and Stripes all about mom cards. Apparently, there's a lot of moms out there with cards. They are using them for playdates and the other mom/children whatnots that involve moms and children and whatnots. Yeah. And, I am not as clever as I thought. I mean, really, "Mom to Reilly Kate and Roman" never once crossed my simple mind. Never. Actually, handing them out to other moms never dawned on me, either. It's a great idea, though. But a little too late for me. Who's gonna set up a play date with me and my kids after I hand them one of these?





Ah, fuck 'em.