Day Two

I've now had 48 hours to digest it. I believe the whole thing has given me colitis. I've now switched from rum to Pepto Bismol. I'm still not watching anything but the local news and Montel reruns. There's just something oddly comforting about his shiny, bald head.

You may wonder, "How long will she be like this?" Well, much like a dog with a burr in its paw, I'm still licking and without intervention, I'll be licking for two years, at the very least. Mike may have to swat me with a rolled up newspaper or something.

On the upside, I've invested my kids' college funds in KY Lubricant stock. The way I see it, the majority of Americans are going to be getting screwed for the next four years. That's a lot of lube.

I'm hoping to make enough to qualify for one of Bush's big old tax cuts. So when your job is outsourced to China (or, as with United Airlines, outsourced to you at half your salary) or your National Guard unit is called out to Baghdad for the third time and you must then file for bankruptcy since you can't pay your mortgage on your enlisted salary or your kid is diagnosed with asthma caused by air pollution, just bend over, grab that bottle of KY, and think of me.

I'll be sending all my tax cuts straight to the DNC.