I Love Mom, but Hate Mother's Day
Every damn year since Reilly Kate was born, I attempt to morph into Martha Stewart. This year was no different. No, I didn't do any insider trading or any other illegal activity. I tried crafting some Mother's Day gifts.
It started out simple enough. I was going to make a couple of nighties for my mom and grandma. The plan was to put some pictures of the kids on t-shirt nightgowns. I looked for months for the right kind of nighties, but could only find them on eBay for an outrageous sum of money. I shelled out the cash only begrudgingly. In my mind, crafting is not only supposed to personalize something. It should also save you money. I spent more than I intended and I still had to MAKE the damn things.
Then I got the brilliant idea to make totebags with the babes' photogenic mugs on them for their godmothers. I bought the canvas bags, washed them as instructed and they literally fell apart. I had to return them and buy different ones. Sadly, after printing out all the iron ons, I discovered that the canvas bags that don't fall apart are too textured to receive an iron on. The totes are now sitting in a pile under my bed.
The first Mother's Day of Reilly's life, I had done hand prints on polymer clay. I decided that, in the interest of fairness, I needed to do the same for Roman's first Mother's Day. I bought the clay and brought it home. I spent three hours kneading and rolling out, but the clay was too old and wouldn't soften up. I had to take it back. The teenager behind the counter said, "Nope. It was a sale item. All sales final. It's old. That's why it was on sale."
This I do not get. I mean, if they were selling sushi could they just sell me rancid fish and forget about it? I'm none too thrilled with this craft store. Sadly, there aren't a lot of craft stores here for me to chose from.
I bought more of the stuff at full price and some liquid drops that supposedly soften old polymer clay. It didn't' work. I spent three more hours today kneading and rolling to no avail. It is sitting in a technicolor clump in a ziplock baggy on my counter.
While at the craft store, I saw some cigar box purses. I thought that I could do the kids' pictures on these instead of the tote bags. I bought them at a hefty price. Plus, there's the lacquer stuff. Needed a gallon jug of that at a whopping price. Lugged all that crap home to find the hinges on the purses broken and no good. I'll have take those back to the same crap... I mean craft store.
At this point now I have no gifts for the godmothers.
I went today to Walmart and bought 80 more bucks worth of crafting supplies in an attempt to rectify some sort of gift for someone. I got more iron on sheets and some t-shirts. When I got them home, I realized I had bought the wrong iron ons. I needed the sheets for white t-shirts. These are for black shirts.
Oh, and I bought a coloring kit. It has special paper and crayons and the kids can color it and then you iron it onto a shirt. I thought I'd do this for my mom's nightie. Nope. RK peeled all the labels off the crayons, broke most of them in half, and then mixed them up with her other crayons in her coloring box. I'm not about to go through 457 crayons and crayon bits in an attempt to locate which are the special iron on crayons. Another 15 bucks down the tubes.
So far, I'm down about 200 American greenbacks with nothing to send out for Mother's Day. If you are some sort of maternal relation to my children, well, this is for you: Happy Mother's Day. I'll be wearing my I [Heart] Mom shirt on Sunday just for you. That's all your getting. Martha's in jail and I'm done.
It started out simple enough. I was going to make a couple of nighties for my mom and grandma. The plan was to put some pictures of the kids on t-shirt nightgowns. I looked for months for the right kind of nighties, but could only find them on eBay for an outrageous sum of money. I shelled out the cash only begrudgingly. In my mind, crafting is not only supposed to personalize something. It should also save you money. I spent more than I intended and I still had to MAKE the damn things.
Then I got the brilliant idea to make totebags with the babes' photogenic mugs on them for their godmothers. I bought the canvas bags, washed them as instructed and they literally fell apart. I had to return them and buy different ones. Sadly, after printing out all the iron ons, I discovered that the canvas bags that don't fall apart are too textured to receive an iron on. The totes are now sitting in a pile under my bed.
The first Mother's Day of Reilly's life, I had done hand prints on polymer clay. I decided that, in the interest of fairness, I needed to do the same for Roman's first Mother's Day. I bought the clay and brought it home. I spent three hours kneading and rolling out, but the clay was too old and wouldn't soften up. I had to take it back. The teenager behind the counter said, "Nope. It was a sale item. All sales final. It's old. That's why it was on sale."
This I do not get. I mean, if they were selling sushi could they just sell me rancid fish and forget about it? I'm none too thrilled with this craft store. Sadly, there aren't a lot of craft stores here for me to chose from.
I bought more of the stuff at full price and some liquid drops that supposedly soften old polymer clay. It didn't' work. I spent three more hours today kneading and rolling to no avail. It is sitting in a technicolor clump in a ziplock baggy on my counter.
While at the craft store, I saw some cigar box purses. I thought that I could do the kids' pictures on these instead of the tote bags. I bought them at a hefty price. Plus, there's the lacquer stuff. Needed a gallon jug of that at a whopping price. Lugged all that crap home to find the hinges on the purses broken and no good. I'll have take those back to the same crap... I mean craft store.
At this point now I have no gifts for the godmothers.
I went today to Walmart and bought 80 more bucks worth of crafting supplies in an attempt to rectify some sort of gift for someone. I got more iron on sheets and some t-shirts. When I got them home, I realized I had bought the wrong iron ons. I needed the sheets for white t-shirts. These are for black shirts.
Oh, and I bought a coloring kit. It has special paper and crayons and the kids can color it and then you iron it onto a shirt. I thought I'd do this for my mom's nightie. Nope. RK peeled all the labels off the crayons, broke most of them in half, and then mixed them up with her other crayons in her coloring box. I'm not about to go through 457 crayons and crayon bits in an attempt to locate which are the special iron on crayons. Another 15 bucks down the tubes.
So far, I'm down about 200 American greenbacks with nothing to send out for Mother's Day. If you are some sort of maternal relation to my children, well, this is for you: Happy Mother's Day. I'll be wearing my I [Heart] Mom shirt on Sunday just for you. That's all your getting. Martha's in jail and I'm done.
posted by The Histrionics of a Fat Housewife at 1:52 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home