Assholes of America

Need I say more?

No.

Will I say more?

Of course.

This asshole was so hell bent on contributing to the assholing of America that he circumvented American border authorities, the FAA, Homeland Security, and even the Canadians (don't mess with mounties, man!). And now he expects us to believe that he meant no harm, that it wasn't his fault, that he was told he posed no threat.

Hmmm... you believin' that shit? 'Cause if you are I got a dachshund to sell you that's sweet, obedient, and will never eat any of your electronics.

Where they hell is his sense of responsibility for his own actions? He knew he had a drug resistant form of TB (he only later learned it was the worst type of drug resistant TB) and they advised him not to fly. Regardless of what his future father in law or any of the other swinging dicks over at the CDC said, he should have come to the only decent conclusion: stay his fucking ass home with a god damn mask on.

But no, our asshole didn't do that. No, he's rich and rules don't apply to him. Peasants. They are the ones that should obey. They are the ones with communicable diseases. They.

No, he felt that his vacation was too important. He couldn't just get married in the good old US of A. No, he just had to get married in Greece and then spread his good ill all over Europe. Shit, as if America doesn't already have a bad enough reputation. As if Americans travelling abroad don't already have to sew Canadian flags on their backpacks. As if there aren't enough American lawyers fucking shit all over the globe.

So our happy little Typhoid Mary and his no doubt whiny wife came up with a brilliant scheme to get him in and out of a variety of soveriegn nations. And really, what is a wedding without foreign travel and the sharing of terminal diseases? The next time I get married, I'm going to Africa to catch AIDS.

I started to write about my many wishes for the American asshole, Andrew Speaker. Like I wished he would survive this disease. I wished he and his blonde bimbo would produce a beautiful baby. I wished that after the birth of said child, our asshole's balls would shrivel up like itty bitty raisins, lacking both life and luster. I wished his manly member would hang lifeless from his body, unwilling and unable to do anything more than dribble urine in his Depends. And then I wished that every single day of his only child's life he is stricken with the worst panic that someone would stupidly, selfishly get on a plane, a bus, or an elevator with an airborne deadly sick and stricken that precious child. I wished that he couldn't let his kid go to school for fear that someone might sneeze or cough. I wished that he'd spend the rest of his life in an agoraphobic state, fearful of everyone and every germ.

Then I remembered Matthew 5:44. It's part of my email signature, in fact, to remind me, and others, that it is useless to hate your enemies. "I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despite-fully use you, and persecute you."

So I won't wish anything but good health and long life on our asshole. I am releasing my anger and replacing it with happy thoughts. However, any of you who don't hold to this love-your-enemies philosophy, please feel free to borrow from the above wishes and plop your pennies into the well. I've got some pennies you can borrow, too.