Shit.

You may recall the post in which I talked about being blamed for the poop landmines that clutter our apartment's pleasantly landscaped grassy areas. If not, it's at the beginning of this mega post here. Since that time, I've only been questioned about my possessing a poop pick up bag once. I've been watched several times. But not real confrontations.

Tonight, just minutes ago, in fact, I was out walking Truman. We left our building and went straight to the garbage dumpster as it was Almin's day to clean and she gathered up a week's worth of trash from all the various receptacles in our home and so nicely placed it in a bag. God I love that woman. Anyway, so I went over to the dumpster and looked over to where it was that I normally walk Truman. What I saw, my eyes registered, but my mind refused to believe.

It was a woman, an older woman, perhaps around 65 or 70 years old, squatting down in the grass. Her pants were down around her ankles, with her fleshy backside exposed.

Well, now, let me explain why this didn't really register with me at first. Koreans, like most Asians, are squatters. They squat down, feet flat, and do all kinds of tasks in that position. Once you've lived in Asia long enough, you begin doing this yourself. While waiting at the bus stop, or the post office, or in line at the bank, you just squat down and relax. It's actually pretty ingenious. Your legs get to take a break without having to walk around the rest of the day with dirt and smut all over your ass. Also, in the spring time, many older Koreans go out and pick certain plants we'd call weeds out of the grass for salads and the like.

So my brain, overriding my eyes, determined that that is what this old woman was doing. She must be squatting down, not to relieve herself, but to pick weeds in order to make her elderly husband a nice fresh salad for breakfast tomorrow morning. Yes. Yes, thought I, That is what she is doing. Certainly. But my eyes... they refused to look away until my brain agreed with them. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Even after she looked at me.

Now, one would think that if you were relieving yourself out in the public area of a very large apartment complex and were caught, you would immediately pull up your pants, wetness be damned, and hightail it out of view. Not this woman. She kept her eyes locked with mine and made no attempt to cover up or leave.

See? said my brain. See? It isn't what you thought. It is just an old lady gathering up edible shrubbery. Still my eyes refused to wander. Not even in an embarrassed, I-shouldn't-be-seeing-what-I'm-seeing, polite sort of way. Locked with the old woman and going no where.

So there we stood. Me with my bag o'trash and her with her bare ass, waiting for the other to look away first. Finally, after what seemed like ages, but was more like 30 seconds or so, Truman caught on to her and let out a few barks. Many Koreans in Seoul are scared of dogs and I guess this old woman was one of them. As soon as Truman barked, she broke her stare, pulled up her pants, and walked away. But not quickly. And as she walked, she looked back several times to meet my eyes.

Being a Doubting Thomas, my brain still refused to believe. My feet took over the controls and, as ordered by my eyes, walked me right over to the place the old woman was squatting. There, not even a foot from the sidewalk, was a fresh pile of poop surrounded by a puddle of pee. The pee had actually flooded the arid earth that she chose as her spot and trickled down on the sidewalk. It was obvious, very obvious, even to my brain, that the woman had been using the area as a toilet.

The question now is, how the hell to do I say "A crazy old lady is pooping in the grass and not picking it up with a plastic bag" in Korean? 'Cause that is exactly what I'm going to say to the security guards next time they question me about my dog and his poop.