Lions and Tigers and Bitches! OH MY!

Paris and Nicole. No longer the best of friends. It seems they prefer to stab each other in the... front. How many women have this experience in their history? I'd venture a guess at damn close to statistically all of us. I see it already with my four year old daughter. Her best friend and she are no longer friends. According to Reilly Kate, former best friend just one day up and said, "I am no longer your friend. I don't want to play with you." Whether or not it's true, I do not know. I made Reilly Kate write her a letter trying to repair the damage done, but said friend wouldn't even look at the letter. This happened to me as a kid and I know it happened to you as a kid, too (if you are the owner of a vagina, that is).

I was always on the outside growing up. It got worse when we moved to an affluent suburb from a crap neighborhood in Chicago. I was the fat, city girl. I had very few friends. And the ones I did have liked to play those, "I'm not your friend today" kind of games. Finally, in my sophomore year of college, after a brief stint with living in an all catty bitches dorm situation, I realized I got along better with dicks than chicks. I completely resigned from seeking female companionship and was so much happier that way. Sure, some of my friends were just trying to fuck me, but that I could handle. I could read guys and deal with them and they accepted me. Life was good for about 12 years.

Then I had kids.

Having kids and becoming a stay at home mom forced me to once again socialize with women. Once again, I was sitting on the outside of the group. I tried La Leche League. I went to Moms Club. My kids and I did Kidsport and Mommy and Me. This time, not only was I shunned, but my kids, too. I haven't felt like this much of a dork, this much of an outcast (in Korean they say "wanta") since I was in junior high school. It is the biggest downfall of motherhood, being surrounded by so many fucking women.

That isn't to say I haven't met some great ladies along the way. I have. Sadly, in the military, we move around so much that they either move or I move and I then have to start all over again. I'm that fat, city girl every couple of years (this year it's actually been every couple of months).

My solution was to connect with some women over the internet. If you haven't been a part of an online community, you have no clue what it's like or the bond that can develop over years of posting your innermost thoughts, heartaches, joys, aspirations and disappointments. My group and I formed a sisterhood through motherhood four and a half years ago. We call ourselves the Friends Forum which is quite the misnomer. We really aren't friends. We are more like sisters. Some in our group dislike others. Some quarrel, others quell the flames. A few have drifted away and many are attached by the apron strings. I have little doubt that there will be some semblance of our group twenty years down the road. It may or may not include me. I don't know.

Still, even in our online circle, there is the catty back stabbing, taking of sides, the Paris-Nicole rehashing and name calling, low blows and general emotional warfare women are so well known for. Why we do it, I do not know. As a feminist, I've said time and time again, women are our own worst enemies. We do more deconstruction, more tearing down one another, than the man ever has... or has had need to. Even those, perhaps especially those that promote women and women's rights. Lesbians, too. Yes, I tried hanging out with lesbians for a couple of years. They too are catty bitches, only in addition, they are fighting over sleeping with other catty bitches.

Anyway, at least with my online group, I don't suffer the same physical humiliation of being ostracized from the group... along with my children. I can close the browser or surf internet porn. And that's just what I'm gonna do.