Political Mumbo Jumbo
In the past few days, I have been the innocent victim of conservative blathering in the form of email. Actually, it is my own fault. So I’m not really a victim. I read the damn thing and suffered the high blood pressure for it. I now feel it necessary to purge my system of it, to wash off its cyber filth from my liberal conscience. If I don’t, I fear my head will explode.
When I started this blog, I swore I wouldn’t wax poetic or political. But change the name to “The Misadventures of a Fat, Opinionated, Liberal Bed-Wetting Housewife” because here I go:
The emails as they were in my hotmail account will appear in plain font. My words will appear in bold. A bit complicated for you ditto-heads out there. I hope you can follow along.
A New Constitution
The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. The guy should run for President.....
This particular piece has been warped and changed and misattributed through its meandering from inbox to inbox. The majority of the drivel here was written by Lewis Napper of Mississippi in 1993. For more information, see snopes.
"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights."
I’m prone to uncontrollable fits of giggling every time I’m called a liberal bed-wetter primarily, I guess, because it reveals the mentality of the name caller. If I’m a bed-wetter, conservatives are diapers since they are full of dookie. As a mom to two small children and the daughter of two big Republicans, I know of which I speak.
ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
You also don’t have the right to pollute the air my kids breathe with deregulations and corporate exemptions. You don’t have the right to clear cut forests and build redwood decks. You don’t have the right to fill up your oversized luxury SUV with the cheapest gas in the world and whine that gas taxes are too high and the smog is too thick.
ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be ... and like the rest of us you need to simply deal with it.
Agreed. So the next time Janet Jackson flashes her tit on tv and you don’t like it, turn the channel! Get your mind out of the gutter and the rest will follow. My kids saw that and thought “LUNCH!”
Also, if gay marriage offends you, don’t attend the wedding. If abortion offends you, don’t have one. And if multiculturalism offends you, stay at home and reread your copy of Mein Kampf.
ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
You don’t have the right to jeopardize the safety of my family to accumulate another dollar. If the design for the product is faulty, don’t bring in bean counters to assess whether fixing the problem will cost more than the lawsuits. Fix the problem because it is the right thing to do.
ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
You do not have the right to flatter yourself into thinking we are the most charitable people around. Sadly, we are not. In terms of percentage of GNP, we are the least charitable of any industrialized nation in the world. In order: Denmark, Norway, Netherlands, teeny tiny little Luxembourg, Sweden, Belgium, Ireland, France, Finland, Switzerland, UK, Canada, Germany, Spain, Australia, Portugal, New Zealand, Japan, Austria, Greece, and Italy are all more generous than the grand US of A.
You don’t have the right to belittle those stuck in a cycle of socio-economic poverty. You haven’t a clue what it is like to be an inner city kid with parents addicted to drugs and gang bangers for neighbors. These kids go to schools that lack adequate plumbing and lighting and are taught by teachers unable to give each child their own textbook. They see violence and crime and no way out. Try reaching out a hand to help them up rather than looking down your nose at them to make yourself feel better about your own pathetic accomplishments.
ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
I don’t think anyone is asking for free health care. Nothing is free. But equal access to quality health care regardless of income should be a basic right. Those without health care are usually the working poor, meaning they are not your so-called professional couch potatoes but those people who due to their low pay cannot afford insurance. The biggest sufferers? The children of these workers.
Oh, and don’t think you don’t pay for it in the end. Ultimately, we all do. It is the reason why an aspirin at the hospital costs $15. You see, these working class people without healthcare cannot get any preventative care or routine medicines. They are forced to wait until an illness becomes life threatening and become an ER charity case which we all pick up the tab for.
Ain’t nothing free.
ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair. (Yeah!)
What really bumfuzzles me is this asinine comment coming from the mouths of supposed Christians. I have a couple of questions for those of you who call yourselves Christians and yet believe in capital punishment. First, and foremost, what part of “Thou shalt not kill” is unclear? Have you ever seen an exception or an addendum to that? Second, which part of “Ye who is without sin cast the first stone” is confusing? Is it the “ye” because I can clear that up for you right now. It’s just a fancy way of saying “you.” And lastly, how do you think a man who was wrongly put to death would feel about capital punishment? Did you ever think to ask Jesus?
ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV, pool tables, etc.
Okay. I’m good with this. As long as we count corporate thieves as well. Oh, oh, oh! Can you say ENRON? I know! Let’s start with the crook that’s holding the White House hostage. Martha Stewart ain’t got nothin’ on that guy.
This is where it gets really interesting. The original Article VIII is what follows. You’ll see why it was cut. Remember, this was written in 1993 when Clinton was in office.
ARTICLE VIII:
You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
I would find this to be highly amusing given the current quagmire “W” has gotten us into if it weren’t for the men, women, and children in Iraq, both American and Iraqi, that are being killed each and every day. Watching a six year old American accept a triangular folded flag from his father’s casket or a four year old Iraqi mourning the loss of her parents, grandparents, and two of her four limbs doesn’t make for amusement to me.
We do not have the right to invade other countries to settle Daddy’s debt, to make Haliburton richer, gas prices lower, boost our defense contractors’ bottom lines, or to flex our might. We do not have the right to unilateral aggression simply because we have the brute strength to do so. We do not have the right to set up a puppet government in underdeveloped nations and force our values and ideals on a people very different from ourselves.
We have a right to defend ourselves. We should be focused on finding Osama Bin Laden and destroying Al Qaida and all its Taliban minions. Then again, we should have been doing that 15 years ago when feminists in this country were protesting the Taliban’s harsh regime in Afghanistan and American oil companies’ monetary support of it. Maybe if you conservatives would have seen it as preventive diplomatic care rather than “soothing a liberal conscience” or “nation building” thousands of Americans wouldn’t have had to die on 9-11.
ARTICLE VIII:
You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of part time jobs, education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
Let me see here. You don’t have a right to a job. But if you don’t have a job, then you are a slovenly couch potato, which you have no right to be. Do you have a right to education and vocational training? If so, do you have a right to a good, quality, public education with text books and adequate plumbing and lighting and teachers with up to date certifications?
ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness --which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
And pursuing happiness is a lot easier if you are allowed to love and marry whomever you please, see a doctor when you are sick, get a good education and have access to higher learning, breathe fresh air and drink clean water, and watch the Superbowl halftime show with a flash of guilt free boob.
ARTICLE X:
This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from. We welcome you here. English is our language and like the one you left behind, we also have a culture. Learn it or go back to the country and the living conditions you were fleeing. If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it is about time common sense is allowed to flourish -- just call it "The Age of Reason Revisited
I’m tempted to not even touch this one since it was added on to make up for conservative peace nik #8. But there are so many misguided souls out there yapping about this English only garbage that I just have to.
Yes, the majority of us speak English here. It would be a great advantage to any immigrant to learn the language. But it is not necessary. Ya know, I have personal experience with this. I lived in Korea, a homogeneous society, for two years. During that time, I learned just a tiny, little bit of Korean. Interestingly, not a single Korean thought I should speak their language or adopt their culture. It was completely acceptable for me to just be me living and working there.
Why is it that we Americans, who for the most part are descendents of immigrants, expect newcomers to adopt the mainstream language and culture? Why do we so harshly judge those who don’t? And why don’t we put an emphasis on our children being able to speak a foreign language? Our children are at a distinct disadvantage competing in a global economy with a monolingual education. The majority of the world does not speak English.
Our culture is unique. It is multicultural. Don’t squelch it. Celebrate it. Embrace it. Be proud of it.
And stop reading crap like this. It’ll rot your brain and that warthog in the White House will get re-elected.
Ahhh... but alas, what do I know? I'm just a fat housewife.
When I started this blog, I swore I wouldn’t wax poetic or political. But change the name to “The Misadventures of a Fat, Opinionated, Liberal Bed-Wetting Housewife” because here I go:
The emails as they were in my hotmail account will appear in plain font. My words will appear in bold. A bit complicated for you ditto-heads out there. I hope you can follow along.
A New Constitution
The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. The guy should run for President.....
This particular piece has been warped and changed and misattributed through its meandering from inbox to inbox. The majority of the drivel here was written by Lewis Napper of Mississippi in 1993. For more information, see snopes.
"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights."
I’m prone to uncontrollable fits of giggling every time I’m called a liberal bed-wetter primarily, I guess, because it reveals the mentality of the name caller. If I’m a bed-wetter, conservatives are diapers since they are full of dookie. As a mom to two small children and the daughter of two big Republicans, I know of which I speak.
ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
You also don’t have the right to pollute the air my kids breathe with deregulations and corporate exemptions. You don’t have the right to clear cut forests and build redwood decks. You don’t have the right to fill up your oversized luxury SUV with the cheapest gas in the world and whine that gas taxes are too high and the smog is too thick.
ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be ... and like the rest of us you need to simply deal with it.
Agreed. So the next time Janet Jackson flashes her tit on tv and you don’t like it, turn the channel! Get your mind out of the gutter and the rest will follow. My kids saw that and thought “LUNCH!”
Also, if gay marriage offends you, don’t attend the wedding. If abortion offends you, don’t have one. And if multiculturalism offends you, stay at home and reread your copy of Mein Kampf.
ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
You don’t have the right to jeopardize the safety of my family to accumulate another dollar. If the design for the product is faulty, don’t bring in bean counters to assess whether fixing the problem will cost more than the lawsuits. Fix the problem because it is the right thing to do.
ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
You do not have the right to flatter yourself into thinking we are the most charitable people around. Sadly, we are not. In terms of percentage of GNP, we are the least charitable of any industrialized nation in the world. In order: Denmark, Norway, Netherlands, teeny tiny little Luxembourg, Sweden, Belgium, Ireland, France, Finland, Switzerland, UK, Canada, Germany, Spain, Australia, Portugal, New Zealand, Japan, Austria, Greece, and Italy are all more generous than the grand US of A.
You don’t have the right to belittle those stuck in a cycle of socio-economic poverty. You haven’t a clue what it is like to be an inner city kid with parents addicted to drugs and gang bangers for neighbors. These kids go to schools that lack adequate plumbing and lighting and are taught by teachers unable to give each child their own textbook. They see violence and crime and no way out. Try reaching out a hand to help them up rather than looking down your nose at them to make yourself feel better about your own pathetic accomplishments.
ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
I don’t think anyone is asking for free health care. Nothing is free. But equal access to quality health care regardless of income should be a basic right. Those without health care are usually the working poor, meaning they are not your so-called professional couch potatoes but those people who due to their low pay cannot afford insurance. The biggest sufferers? The children of these workers.
Oh, and don’t think you don’t pay for it in the end. Ultimately, we all do. It is the reason why an aspirin at the hospital costs $15. You see, these working class people without healthcare cannot get any preventative care or routine medicines. They are forced to wait until an illness becomes life threatening and become an ER charity case which we all pick up the tab for.
Ain’t nothing free.
ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair. (Yeah!)
What really bumfuzzles me is this asinine comment coming from the mouths of supposed Christians. I have a couple of questions for those of you who call yourselves Christians and yet believe in capital punishment. First, and foremost, what part of “Thou shalt not kill” is unclear? Have you ever seen an exception or an addendum to that? Second, which part of “Ye who is without sin cast the first stone” is confusing? Is it the “ye” because I can clear that up for you right now. It’s just a fancy way of saying “you.” And lastly, how do you think a man who was wrongly put to death would feel about capital punishment? Did you ever think to ask Jesus?
ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV, pool tables, etc.
Okay. I’m good with this. As long as we count corporate thieves as well. Oh, oh, oh! Can you say ENRON? I know! Let’s start with the crook that’s holding the White House hostage. Martha Stewart ain’t got nothin’ on that guy.
This is where it gets really interesting. The original Article VIII is what follows. You’ll see why it was cut. Remember, this was written in 1993 when Clinton was in office.
ARTICLE VIII:
You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
I would find this to be highly amusing given the current quagmire “W” has gotten us into if it weren’t for the men, women, and children in Iraq, both American and Iraqi, that are being killed each and every day. Watching a six year old American accept a triangular folded flag from his father’s casket or a four year old Iraqi mourning the loss of her parents, grandparents, and two of her four limbs doesn’t make for amusement to me.
We do not have the right to invade other countries to settle Daddy’s debt, to make Haliburton richer, gas prices lower, boost our defense contractors’ bottom lines, or to flex our might. We do not have the right to unilateral aggression simply because we have the brute strength to do so. We do not have the right to set up a puppet government in underdeveloped nations and force our values and ideals on a people very different from ourselves.
We have a right to defend ourselves. We should be focused on finding Osama Bin Laden and destroying Al Qaida and all its Taliban minions. Then again, we should have been doing that 15 years ago when feminists in this country were protesting the Taliban’s harsh regime in Afghanistan and American oil companies’ monetary support of it. Maybe if you conservatives would have seen it as preventive diplomatic care rather than “soothing a liberal conscience” or “nation building” thousands of Americans wouldn’t have had to die on 9-11.
ARTICLE VIII:
You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of part time jobs, education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
Let me see here. You don’t have a right to a job. But if you don’t have a job, then you are a slovenly couch potato, which you have no right to be. Do you have a right to education and vocational training? If so, do you have a right to a good, quality, public education with text books and adequate plumbing and lighting and teachers with up to date certifications?
ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness --which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
And pursuing happiness is a lot easier if you are allowed to love and marry whomever you please, see a doctor when you are sick, get a good education and have access to higher learning, breathe fresh air and drink clean water, and watch the Superbowl halftime show with a flash of guilt free boob.
ARTICLE X:
This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from. We welcome you here. English is our language and like the one you left behind, we also have a culture. Learn it or go back to the country and the living conditions you were fleeing. If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it is about time common sense is allowed to flourish -- just call it "The Age of Reason Revisited
I’m tempted to not even touch this one since it was added on to make up for conservative peace nik #8. But there are so many misguided souls out there yapping about this English only garbage that I just have to.
Yes, the majority of us speak English here. It would be a great advantage to any immigrant to learn the language. But it is not necessary. Ya know, I have personal experience with this. I lived in Korea, a homogeneous society, for two years. During that time, I learned just a tiny, little bit of Korean. Interestingly, not a single Korean thought I should speak their language or adopt their culture. It was completely acceptable for me to just be me living and working there.
Why is it that we Americans, who for the most part are descendents of immigrants, expect newcomers to adopt the mainstream language and culture? Why do we so harshly judge those who don’t? And why don’t we put an emphasis on our children being able to speak a foreign language? Our children are at a distinct disadvantage competing in a global economy with a monolingual education. The majority of the world does not speak English.
Our culture is unique. It is multicultural. Don’t squelch it. Celebrate it. Embrace it. Be proud of it.
And stop reading crap like this. It’ll rot your brain and that warthog in the White House will get re-elected.
Ahhh... but alas, what do I know? I'm just a fat housewife.
posted by The Histrionics of a Fat Housewife at 3:59 AM
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