Tax Cuts for Mothers
Last night I attempted to sleep smashed in between two very small children who seem to take up three quarters of a queen sized bed. "Attempted" would be the key word in that sentence. And my king-sized husband slept on about three inches of space on the very edge of the bed. Poor guy. Yet he did in fact sleep. His snoring added to my insomnia.
The worst part of the night was being hit in the face with my own boobs. Yep. That's right. You read it. I said it. I get hit in the face with my very own mammary glands. They are just that big and out of control. Imagine it for yourself: Sleeping with hardly any wiggle room. You don't want to move a slumbering child for fear of awakening their inner beast. So you just inch a little to your right and ::WHAM:: the left boob hits you square in the face. It's not pleasant.
After this happened several times, I started thinking of a nice comfortable sleeping bra that wouldn't clog my ducts but would be gently supportive. And breathable. A brushed cotton, perhaps. Heaven, thinks I. But at a price. A high price. Bras in my size (a 40-I cup) don't come cheap. They range between $35 and $80 and must be ordered online. It's a serious, royal pain in the ass.
Then the thought hit me. No, I am not thinking of making my own bras. I'm thinking that bras and the like should be tax deductible for me. My occupation is lactator, right? Okay. I'm a mother. But a big part of my role as mother is lactator. So just like an astronomer can deduct his telescope from his taxes, so should I be able to deduct my bras from my taxes. And the cost difference between a queen sized bed and a king sized bed. That should be tax deductible. And nursing shirts (which, if you don't know, cost twice as much as normal shirts -- why? It's a conspiracy between the textile workers and the formula makers, I'm quite sure). And chocolate.
Yep. All this should be tax deductible.
I just hope that I get a better night's sleep tonight. Brainstorms like that can really take a lot out of a person. Especially a lactator. With the breastmilk goes one's brain cells. This is fact. Ya see, DHA is a fatty acid that helps build and maintain one's brain. Breastmilk is high in DHA. So if a lot of DHA is leaving my body, but I'm not taking more in, I must be losing brain cells. My kids are making me dense. That too should be a tax deduction.
Moooo...
The worst part of the night was being hit in the face with my own boobs. Yep. That's right. You read it. I said it. I get hit in the face with my very own mammary glands. They are just that big and out of control. Imagine it for yourself: Sleeping with hardly any wiggle room. You don't want to move a slumbering child for fear of awakening their inner beast. So you just inch a little to your right and ::WHAM:: the left boob hits you square in the face. It's not pleasant.
After this happened several times, I started thinking of a nice comfortable sleeping bra that wouldn't clog my ducts but would be gently supportive. And breathable. A brushed cotton, perhaps. Heaven, thinks I. But at a price. A high price. Bras in my size (a 40-I cup) don't come cheap. They range between $35 and $80 and must be ordered online. It's a serious, royal pain in the ass.
Then the thought hit me. No, I am not thinking of making my own bras. I'm thinking that bras and the like should be tax deductible for me. My occupation is lactator, right? Okay. I'm a mother. But a big part of my role as mother is lactator. So just like an astronomer can deduct his telescope from his taxes, so should I be able to deduct my bras from my taxes. And the cost difference between a queen sized bed and a king sized bed. That should be tax deductible. And nursing shirts (which, if you don't know, cost twice as much as normal shirts -- why? It's a conspiracy between the textile workers and the formula makers, I'm quite sure). And chocolate.
Yep. All this should be tax deductible.
I just hope that I get a better night's sleep tonight. Brainstorms like that can really take a lot out of a person. Especially a lactator. With the breastmilk goes one's brain cells. This is fact. Ya see, DHA is a fatty acid that helps build and maintain one's brain. Breastmilk is high in DHA. So if a lot of DHA is leaving my body, but I'm not taking more in, I must be losing brain cells. My kids are making me dense. That too should be a tax deduction.
Moooo...
posted by The Histrionics of a Fat Housewife at 1:17 AM
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